📭To Have a Good Relationship, Do the Work

“You seems pretty fine emotionally for someone who’s in a relationship?” my friend asked.

Granted, my relationship is pretty new, yet I feel most students who’ve attended psychology workshops and have done the work would handle their intimate relationship very well.

When a person has worked on their past traumas and hurt, their emotions are more stable.

A foundational view is that: We know what emotions we have, when are we projecting it unto others, and how we can work on our stuff.

A brief explanation on projection is that: When a person is close to us and we feel safe with them, we may unconsciously put on emotions or see aspects of ourselves that we couldn’t accept onto them.

Yet when we’ve “done the work”, we can bring awareness to see how we can work on these issues, emotions, and projections - which greatly affect how the relationship would be like.

When there are unmet needs, we can also express it non-violently with congruence, making it easier for the other person to accept our ideas.

In the end, if a person has done everything they can and realized that their partner is truly not what they want, they can handle the separation with peace, tolerance, and calmness.

Many of my senior course mates often tell the younger students: "It’s a blessing to find a life partner after doing your inner work. The reason is the partners you attract would be very different. You both would be quite aware and are able to take responsibility for your own emotions."