🎈How Empathy Doesn’t Heal People

My constellation teacher Ron shared another perspective when it comes to empathy: “It’s important not to get hypnotized by people sharing their pain.”

In some psychological worldviews, this may sound contradictory, as we often emphasize how empathizing and giving space for a person to be heard and seen creates an opportunity for transformation.

My teacher described it further within the constellation’s field: “If you listen and empathize with them, that’s when you’re feeding energy into their field, which gets converted into suffering. Their field of suffering gets bigger. Instead, you hold in your field of love and compassion, allowing them to be where they’re at entirely while you see the possibility of healing.”

Psychology often speaks about payoff too. In a book called “Why People Don’t Heal,” when a person gets a lot of care and love through being sick or ill, they’ll keep that habit. This is why, while we hear people, we see them in their greatness.

Yet for me, it’s a fine line to draw. It doesn’t mean we do what most people do - dismiss what they feel at the moment and want them to move forward.

We hold a field of compassion. It’s not pity and saying, “Oh, you poor thing.”

We can sense there’s anguish, hurt, and pain in the person; yet we don’t get into their field and also experience that anguish, hurt, and pain.

We continue to see possibilities for them in the constellation field, yet we don’t force it upon them.

Then we won’t be reinforcing the payoff of attention and love through being sick.

(All quotes are paraphrased as it’s written from memory)