🪬Eliminating the Self-Cherishing Mind by Exchanging Self & Others
The Root of All Suffering
In Buddhism, the root of all suffering is our self-cherishing mind. One way to view it is selfishness.
Of course, the premise of the above statement is the following:
- Karma exists: When I benefit others, I’ll gain benefit in the future. When I harm others, I’ll be harmed in the future.
- All harm to others is done in order for “me” to gain or avoid harm.
- Therefore, the best course of action is to benefit others instead of harming them. When I benefit others, I plant a karmic cause for me to receive benefit. So others benefit now, and I benefit in the future too.
A Way to Practice the Above
To ensure I always do good to others and not bring harm — one path of practice is called “exchanging self with others.”
To see others as myself, and myself as others.
This way, I’ll think from their perspective, do a lot to benefit others, and in turn benefit myself in the future.
However, the key to this practice is to give selflessly, without considering my own benefit — thinking solely of benefiting others. For this would eliminate the root of suffering, which is our self-cherishing mind.
What About Self-Care?
If I care only for others, wouldn’t I forget to care for myself?
In various psychological and personal development teachings, we emphasize caring for ourselves because it serves us in the long run.
The rationale is that a car running on empty won’t be able to go far — just like a person running on empty can’t care for others for very long.
Think of a mother who spent her whole life caring for her children and spouse. She prioritized them over herself, and as a result felt resentment that others didn’t return her care. She feels unworthy and didn’t give much to herself. She prioritized giving only to others, resulting in a lot of suffering for herself.
Here’s my present understanding of merging the above worldview with the idea of the self-cherishing mind:
Exchanging Self & Others Was a Secret Practice
Historically, this was an advanced practice given later in a practitioner’s path — when one’s mind was already firmly rooted in understanding the sufferings of samsara, how karma works, and how compassion yields benefit.
Otherwise, it’s easy to feel this practice is impossible and give up.
In a similar vein, I think it’s only when the mind has a strong foundation in how Buddhism views the world that the above practice can take root successfully. Such a practitioner would understand that even resentment itself is a form of suffering from the self-cherishing mind, and would work on eliminating that.
In such a state of mind, the ego (or sense of self-grasping) has become so small that “worthiness” doesn’t arise much in the person’s mind. He sees the long-term benefit across many lifetimes. He understands the temporary suffering that comes from striving for temporary gain in this lifetime. He sees the ultimate goal of achieving enlightenment — understanding non-duality and emptiness as the primary path for the cessation of suffering.
Therefore, at that point, worthiness is no longer a key topic for him. He abides more in the bliss of compassion — giving to others becomes naturally joyful.
That’s my understanding.
Wouldn’t It Create Shadow?
If one focuses solely on eliminating the self, wouldn’t one end up disliking oneself and creating shadow or repressed emotions?
A Brief Explanation on Shadow
A simple one-sentence definition:
When I dislike a trait so much that I often act in a way that embodies it.
Here’s how a shadow can be created:
- A boy was beaten a lot by his mother when he was selfish.
- He made “selfish” wrong.
- Growing up, he did his best to embody selflessness.
- Yet a part of him continuously judges selfish people because he still carries the hurt from the past.
- As a result, when he sees selfishness, he judges, scolds, or even hurts them.
- Ironically, those actions themselves are a form of selfishness. Or, whenever he feels selfish, he judges himself and experiences great suffering.
Eliminating vs. Repressing
My recent thought is that eliminating the self-cherishing mind is not the same as hating or repressing the part of me that’s selfish.
We can observe the self-cherishing mind, and focus on contemplating what it’s like when we are others.
We can shift the attention away and transform it into a practice of compassion — for both self and others.
An Advanced Practice
Lastly, I also think it makes a lot of sense that earlier teachers didn’t teach this practice until much later in a person’s spiritual development.
If a psyche still carries many hurts, traumas, and wounds — where reactive emotions are the dominant state — the above practice becomes very challenging.
Until then, I like to think a middle path of practicing self-care while remembering how karma works is an important step.
Granted, this is my present understanding as of 2025-09-22. Let’s see how my understanding evolves in the future.